Fat

I am fat.

I am 185 lbs - well, at least that's how much I weight last week.. Or was it last month?

Oh, nevermind!


I am fat.. and a lady, who I barely know, reinforced the fact last week in public and embarrassed the hell out of me. "You're fatter than the last time I saw you! .. And you were 8 months pregnant at the time!"

I was surprised to hear that. I thought I had heard "You look slimmer than the last time I saw you!", like so many people tell me. Of course, those people are being polite. Even at that instant, a couple women jumped up and tried to defend me.. "I think she's lost weight!"

Although I appreciate this woman's honesty, I do not believe her. I was 216 lbs right before I gave birth and ultimately returned to my pre-pregnancy weight of 185 lbs. So, there's absolutely no way her opinion held merit.

Still... it hit a nerve. There were two supporters, but there were also two other's who mocked me. The group searched for an unhappy expression on my face. I was determined not to give them the satisfaction. Instead, I agreed with this woman 100%, even though I disagreed with her judgment. I couldn't risk getting embarrassed further now, could I?

I had made many promises to myself that I would lose weight once and for all. I broke each one of those promises. I've had weight management issues my entire life. Now that I'm in my thirties, I've often wondered if I should care anymore. Half my life has passed me by... why bother?

Of course I should bother! I have a loving husband a precious daughter. I need to live a healthy lifestyle so I can be with them a few more years, or at least hope.

I need to lose this weight so I can play with my kid.

I need to lose this weight so I can inspire her to live a healthy lifestyle.

I need to lose this weight so when she grows older, she won't feel a wee bit negative about me when she compares me to her friends' fit mommies.

I probably should omit the last sentence because I hope my kid doesn't embrace a shallow mindset, but hey.. no one has full control over every aspect of their child's life.. One can only try to do their very best.


I came home and relayed the story to my husband and even my baby. "Wife is fat!" "Mommy is fat!"

Husband thought I would cry next. In the past, he's seen many a tear over the weight topic. I gave him a smile. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Sure!"

"Sure?"

"No point getting upset. Anger will do nothing for me, but getting a realistic plan will!"

This lady did me a huge favor, even though I do not believe her one bit. But, she opened my eyes up. I am determined to lose this weight once and for all so I never have to hear something so judgmental, if I can help it."

I started my diet and exercise regimen on Monday, February 22.

I have substituted at least one meal a day with soup. The soup cans, luckily, went on sale too! LOL!

I exercise on the recumbent bike every day for one full hour and I burn 800 calories in the process. The first 20 minutes are a bitch, but oh well.. I have my daughter and my husband's pictures in front of me. I look at the framed photos the entire time so I can remain focused. I do not kid!